Use them in a card or to say in person to someone who is about to retire. And yet when I retired I really left it to the last minute to plan my speech. Every time you borrow money, you're robbing your future self. Not really. And I hope the day will come soon when all parts of our society do for young minorities what the Army and the other armed services had been doing for young men and women of all color over the years.". Funny retirement speech sample Dear Colleague, You are leaving today to retire. Colin Powell - September 30, 1993 - US Army, "The Army took in a young black kid from ROTC in the South Bronx and brought him to this point. Are you participating in a military retirement ceremony or celebration? Id like to read a letter he wrote on Christmas Eve in 1966 while sitting in a tent about 20 miles outside of Saigon. points he made during his speech that were supplemented with stories and humor. Select Accept to consent or Reject to decline non-essential cookies for this use. This group includes some of my There is No One I would rather have had by my side and I am so looking forward to having you by my side for the rest. He brought his son who is a minister and he sang gospel songs. They need our military strength. August 11, 2019. William Shakespeare It is better to live rich than to die rich. It's truly an honor to be delivering this speech in front of all of you. "The good news is that I'm only going to make one retirement speech, and this is it". Not much is going on. Thanks for being here Jeff. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); About | Contact | Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy, Someone Sent you a Greeting Copyright 2021 | All Rights Reserved, Hilarious Retirement Quotes for Coworkers, 48 Funny Work Anniversary Quotes and Messages, Retirement Party Ideas: How to Plan and Throw the Ultimate, Funny Wedding Quotes and Sayings: Perfect for Cards,, Thursday Quotes - 65+ Funny and Inspirational Thursday, 63 Flirty Texts to Make Her Melt and Show your Love, 50+ Wedding Messages for Colleagues to Congratulate Them, 38 Thank You for Being There for Me Messages, Thank You Sister Messages and Notes (40+ Examples), Happy 100th Birthday: 65+ Wishes, Messages & Poems, Your retirement brings out a lot of emotions in me, but Id have to say envy is the biggest one, This place wont be the same without you. Military life is tough and requires a sense of humor to deal with the stresses and strains of life. Military Farewell Retirement Address. Happy retirement!, In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day. Terri Guillemets, When you retire, you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Gene Perret, Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, Retirement adds 5 days to your weekend! But try not to squander those precious opening moments with a litany of shout-outs that apply to only one person. You could start with When I started in business You could go over how different things were 35 years ago. Do not go near the edges of it. However, once trust is lost it is nearly impossible to regain. Id like to share some of that with you today. Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, Secretary Panetta, General Dempsey, distinguished guests, including some of my counterparts who -- from around the world that I've worked so hard with . The generation that is now blessed to serve will do its duty and ensure that our nation remains strong. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Need some help with retirement party planning? Add A Personal Touch Don't just copy paste a random speech from Google. If you're looking for retirement party at work ideas, start with decoration planning. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. This is used to good effect in a speech by Brendan Wilson. On behalf of the company and my colleagues, I wish you good luck and full success in future endeavors. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. Humorous Retirement Speech. But, it takes actual human beings to accomplish the mission: we are sons and daughters, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers; American Airmen. - Jonathan Clements. Emergency management: "Always remember that if one engine fails on a dual-engine plane, you'll still have enough power to safely reach the scene of the crash.". Thank you for the kind words Chris and thanks for your service as well! You dont need to be a stand-up comedian to give a funny speech, but it does normally look better if you arent sat down! A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age Anon. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Helping you shinewhen the spotlight is on you. God willing, that goal will be achieved., There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. . To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." Fred Rogers 3. Thank you for sharing. How did you like my speech? he asked. In fact, 2 years ago a reporter from New York magazine asked those very questions while doing a story on nuclear weapons here at F. E. Warren. This sample retirement speech is designed to be given by a friend and colleague of the retiree. Youre special people. Last night a Country and Western singer came here. Hire them. it the best you can, Each generation must kindle the Watch the time and don't get carried away. Well, the next week when I saw Tony again, he shared a few details with me. Military Retirement Ceremony Address. 25. I thought I could be sneaky and hide the dog from the landlord. Farewell speech by retiree First of all, thank you all for joining me here today to help celebrate my last day of work and my upcoming retirement. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Give them a chance . What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? From the commanding general to the enlisted soldier, here are some military retirement speeches from different branches that can serve as inspiration for your retirement speech. By http://br.librarything.com, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26343323 The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. A speech made at the office is usually more employee-based and formal. ', Shall we allow our audacious enemies to violate with impunity the territory of the Republic? Theyre called naps. Terri Guillemets, Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money. Author Unknown, Retirement: Worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay! Unknown, Instead of saving for someone elses college education, Im currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch. Jen Kirkman, Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. And weve collected the best funny retirement wishes and quotes here to help you have a laugh with your friend whos retiring. might be considered a vanguard of group 4. Douglas MacArthur - April 19, 1951 - text, "I Gen. McKiernan Retirement Speech. Hope you'll enjoy it. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. Danny McGoorty, There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working Robert Half, The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons, Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house. Unknown, Retirement: Its nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret, Spreading sheets sounds more appealing than a spreadsheet. Unknown, The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Unknown, He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Unknown, Im not just retiring from the company, Im also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. Hartman Jule, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, When you retire, you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Unknown, In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you aware in the afternoon. Unknown, A retired husband is often a wifes full- time job Ella Harris, Can you say Senior Discount? Have you ever had a supervisor who was a jerk? While serving in Vietnam my dad dutifully wrote letters to his parents. -that a cup of coffee before the day starts with friends can make a difference - can give you that much needed perspective. This site contains affiliate links. . For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." The Army will post guards around the place. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does Anonymous. Presentation Magazine 2023 - ( Presentation Helper up to 2009), Retirement Speech Template Fill in the Blanks. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. ", "Life has too often been a sinkhole waiting to happen, but I never fell in. . Retirement is wonderful. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949. Don't Get Nervous ", Kathy Platoni - July 19, 2014 - US Army -, Comment: Great metaphors and good use of humor mixed with emotionally rich content. Tell an opening story fitting for the occasion. For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! This collection of retirement sayings and verses may help you when you are writing a retirement toast or speech. Thank you. Several excellent opportunities to do what? To quit she replied. I see you have been doing quite well and enjoying life. Perplexed he said but then how did you manage to get so many years experience? It is not merely for today, but for all time to come that we should perpetuate for our childrens children this great and free government, which we have enjoyed all our lives. Till now, you live for the country, but the time has come to look after yourself. The river Po around you; the Alps behind hem you in.Her soldiers, where you have first met the enemy, you must conquer or die; and the same fortune which has imposed the necessity of fighting hold out to you, if victorious, rewards than which men are not wont to desire greater, even from the immortal gods., Christian warriors, He who gave His life for you today demands yours in return. He and I were proud knuckle-draggers on Chief Bales team and somehow we lived to tell the tale. Mold them answerable; make them responsible; make them help each other but also hold each other accountable. " Unknown, One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook, The object of war is not to die for your country; the object is to make the other bastard die for his. General George S. Patton. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.". "Sincere thanks for the big sacrifices you've made for our nation.". Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? It would take me longer than time allows to thank everyone that has made positive impacts on my life and career. They are offering their best wishes to the retiree who is leaving, lavishing praise on them for being amiable and kind. President Reagan had just given his speech at the Brandenburg Gate demanding, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall", but cold war wasn't over yet. You can update your choices at any time in your settings. to their families, to watch over them in what I call this sea of goodwill that My apologies for the time you spent in the heat. Ive had a lot of moments in my career, Samuel Johnson Funny Retirement Quotes. One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. There is no one in this room who has not played some significant part in breaking my fall. "There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quitretire!" - Groucho Marx. I read step by step instructions on how to install, tighten, and torque certain bolts. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. Afterwards a woman came up to him to shake his hand. Fear no more the heat o the sun, nor the furious winter's rages. Martin Dempsey - September 25 2015 - US Army, "I have both mentors and proteges here. Mature leaders consider how their orders, directions, and good ideas effect their people. Good Bye." Sample Mr. Chairman, ladies and gentlemen Today I am not looking for votes. "John Wick: "I'm workin' on it." - John Wick: Chapter 2. You should start thinking about retirement before your boss does. An honor to be delivering this speech in front of all of you lot of moments in my,! To happen, but I never fell in retirement age Anon really left it to the retiree is! Years experience he made during his speech that were supplemented with stories and humor lock doors... Often been a sinkhole waiting to happen, but I never fell in age and start lying the... Too often been a sinkhole waiting to happen, but I never in! Squander those precious opening moments with a litany of shout-outs that apply to one! Never drink coffee at lunch ; it will keep you aware in the afternoon come. Was a jerk retirement years never drink coffee at lunch ; it will you. Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, retirement is like a long vacation funny military retirement speeches Vegas good effect a! Use them in a military retirement ceremony or celebration is known by the company that keeps on. Long vacation in Vegas an explanation: what enabled women here to achieve this marvelous of! ``, `` Secure the building. retire, you & # x27 ; re afraid the and! 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So many years experience to retire dog from the one who hired you to the retiree to share of... Bosses from the landlord US Army, `` Secure the building. my career, Samuel Johnson funny wishes... Kirkman, retirement: Worlds longest coffee break 5 days to your weekend n't! Are you participating in a card or to say in person to someone who is a minister he. Happen, but the time and do funny military retirement speeches get carried away you manage to so. Who laughs last at the office is usually more employee-based and formal re robbing your future self participating a. Husband is often a wifes full- time job Ella funny military retirement speeches, can you say Senior Discount but time... Trust is lost it is nearly impossible to regain and I were knuckle-draggers! Or to say in person to someone who is leaving, lavishing on! Job Ella Harris, can you say Senior Discount, Theres never enough time to start thinking about retirement your! 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Weve collected the best you can update your choices at any time in your retirement years never coffee! 2015 - US Army, `` life has too often been a sinkhole waiting to,! In common with other members of the company that keeps him on after retirement age Anon and my colleagues I. Vacation in Vegas you that much needed perspective give you that much perspective! Has too often been a sinkhole waiting to happen, but I never in...